family, humor, Uncategorized, writing

So Not Sneaky

How do people have affairs or cheat on a significant other?  I mean aside from the fact that you are destroying the trust of the person you supposedly love most in this life, how can someone physically do that?  I don’t have the constitution.  Or the skills.  I can’t even be sneaky when the motives are benevolent.

Case in Point…Outdoor Guy celebrated his birthday last month.  I had our friend, The Warden,  craft him a gift.  The Warden made a custom leather holster for Outdoor Guy’s handgun, a Glock that he bought back when we lived in western Wyoming.  Outdoor Guy had told me about  some of the other leather work The Warden had done and I thought a new holster to replace the used one Outdoor Guy currently owned would make a great birthday gift.

When I asked The Warden about it, he asked for the model number of the gun.

Uhhhhh it’s black.  And a Glock.  That’s about all I knew.  So I had to devise a ruse to get those details from Outdoor Guy without alerting him to my true intentions.  And thus the deception began.

“What model is your Glock?” I texted Outdoor Guy, telling him my boss was thinking of getting her husband one for his birthday.  Then I had to text my boss and tell her of the little white lie, less Outdoor Guy bring it up in conversation when they talked.  Then I had to delete all the texts between me and The Warden and me and my boss concerning the illicit holster.

Fast forward a few weeks to when the holster was ready and the birthday was rapidly approaching.  I texted The Warden to see if I could meet him in town to pick it up.  He was apparently out of town and didn’t get back to me for a few days.  My phone, which normally resides on the kitchen counter so I can always find it, dinged with an incoming text notification at 11:30 on a Friday.  It was The Warden wanting to know if we could hook up during the week to do the hand off.

“Who texted you so late last night?” Outdoor Guy asked me the next morning.  I quickly blamed the college state FFA officers I often coach.  And again set about deleting the text exchange.

I finally managed to catch up with The Warden and pick up the holster on the day of Outdoor Guy’s birthday. Wyokiddo and I dropped by his house on the way home from her morning at preschool.  I soon learned that I should never involve my child in any nefarious adventures.

“We saw Mr. Rob today!”  Wyokiddo proudly told her daddy at lunch.  “We went to his house!”

“We drove by his house and he was working in the yard,” I corrected as nonchalantly as I could.  God help my soul for pulling my child into my web of deceit.

Fortunately, the gig was up that evening when Outdoor Guy opened his present.  He smiled when he hoisted the holster out of the box and turned it over in his hands.  I just breathed a big sigh of relief that the facade was over.

“Ahhhh.  I wondered.  The gun, asking about The Warden, seeing The Warden today…” he said, admiring the rich, buttery leather.  “I figured something was up but didn’t want to spoil your surprise.”

God love my husband.  The whole time, he realized I was up to something.  But he also trusted me enough to never question my actions.  And he admitted he didn’t want to ask questions or let on so as it would ruin my enjoyment of giving him a surprise.

Every time I see the holster on Outdoor Guy’s belt, I’ll think of my efforts to pull off a great birthday gift.  Really it was I who got the gift in a wonderful husband that trusts me and is sweet enough to play along with my so not sneaky shenanigans.



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